You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
