Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
