I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
