like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm passing your future prison.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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