I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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