You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
