yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
