Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
