We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize