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YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize