I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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