I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
