Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
