Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
