I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
