Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
