So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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