It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
