dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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