Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
