So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
