i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
