i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
