I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
