my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
