Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
