Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize