a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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