So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
