No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
