why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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