I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
