you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize