i think i have herpe
just one?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
