I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
40s are totally the cure
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
