Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
