do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
