Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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