You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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