at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
