I wish I only lived at night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
