i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
