The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
