The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
