was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize