i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
