Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
