is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
