Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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