Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
