My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
