everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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