Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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