Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
