omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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