I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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