my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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