Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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