she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
