And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
