This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize