I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
