how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
