Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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