I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
