Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
be right there i have to get my cape
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize