Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
